Wednesday, March 10, 2010
God's perfect timing.
Its been a very busy couple of days so haven't had much time to write anything. Troy's family was in town this week so I able to spend a lot of time with them. I have come to love them all so much. Another one of those things that is easily taken for granted in-laws, but mine have become a very important part of my life. I've been learning a lot about God's perfect timing these last weeks. The accident would never had been perfect timing for me, but it has been a huge struggle for why it happened that specific day. God has allowed me to see these last couple of months some of why it happened then. Let me take you back a couple of months to that time in my life. I was not living with God at the center of my life at all. The week of the accident Troy and I were fighting over some issues that I was selfishly hanging on to. Not a day goes by that I do not regret my choices, but God's forgiveness is truly amazing. I know Troy is in heaven rejoicing to see how far God has brought me. I say these things for two reasons. First there is nothing that God can not overcome and bring victory into someone's life. I'm a living example of that. Second to God's perfect timing. I have struggled with "Lord, why couldn't you have waited till we made up?" "Why couldn't You have let us grow closer to You together first?" The answer is simply "His ways are perfect." I have been able to see the timing part in a couple of ways in my life. The first being that because I wasn't close to the Lord at the time of the accident. I really struggled with somehow this was my fault, but never had the thoughts of anger towards God for taking him. I look back and had Troy and I been growing in the Lord, I know that it would have been very easy for me to react with anger immediately after the accident. That I believe would have been much harder place for me to come out of to the realization of my need to surrender. Instead of any anger, just utter despair and guilt. I'm thankful though because through those feelings God opened my eyes to realize just how much I needed Him. (No worries, I also know now that this wasn't my fault. Regardless of how I was living September 30th was Troy's time to go home) Okay second to God's perfect timing: finances. At the time of the accident, Troy and I lived pay check to pay check as most young married people do. I had no idea how much a funeral would cost. I defintely was not stable enough to work. Our noraml bills were still coming in. As you can imagine, I was wondering how all this was going to work, but I didn't need to worry because God was working things out. I can not tell you how many people generously gave me money the first two months. Some I had never even met. The most noticeable thing that reflects God's perfect timing is how my co-workers came together to help me out financially. They donated PTO which allowed me to receive a paycheck for the first almost two months. I had several co-workers pick up a shift and then send me the money from that day. The support and love was overwheleming. My job today is a little more unstable. Our deliveries are down and no one is working their normal hours. If the accident were to have happened now, no one would have been able to help. Not from lack of want to help I know, but they wouldn't have had the ability to provide like they did almost six months ago. The Lord has provided more that I could have ever imagined. I know I can rest securely in Him. He will always give me what I need. So these are some insights the Lord has allowed me to see in why that day five months ago. It has also been so amazing to look back and see how far the Lord has brought me. I truly rejoice that the Lord has given me a second chance to live my life for Him and make decisions in light of eternity.