Worked today and typically on a Friday I would be very ready to go home. Not so much today well thats not true I was ready to be done working, but not so much for the going home to an empty house. Friday nights were usually our nights out. Dinner and movie was a typical Friday night and on every other Friday Troy and I were rich for ONE WHOLE DAY before the reality of bills would hit ;) The bookstore was always a favorite place for us to spend the extra money. I was always able to convince him to let me get more books than him it was my sweet charm I'm sure or more likely the begging that I had perfected after years of practicing on my dad haha. Oh how miss him giving into me makes me realize how much he loved me. He did try so hard to make me smile most of the time;) Movies aren't so appealing anymore. I think I've gone to the theater twice since the accident. I can't seem to enjoy it brings too many memories and feelings of sadness that he is not here with me. I was watching criminal minds (my new favorite show) the other day and one of the characters who had lost her sister made a comment that one day the memories won't make you sad one day you will be able to look back and be happy. I'm so not there looking back on anytime with Troy only brings pain and sadness. Its hard for me to ever even imagine that day when I can look back and not have tears in my eyes when I think about him. I miss his goofy ways so much. So instead of having date night I'm sitting on the couch eating cookie dough and watching criminal minds. Oh how my life has changed and in many ways for the better. The cookie dough however is not one of them. I'm on my way to being the next contestant on "The Biggest Loser" ;) I blame Troy every time I'm eating it. I will shake spoon and say "see what you have done to me" I'm sure he is having a nice laugh about it.
So this Friday night I'm learning again how to completely trust in God's perfect will. I honestly don't understand it, but I trust and who better to trust then the only person who truly understands my heartache. I was doing my devotions earlier and it was going through Is 53:4-5 and encouraged to put your name in the "our" spot. So the verse would read "surely Sarah's griefs He himself bore, and Sarah's sorrows He carried; yet Sarah esteemed Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for Sarah's transgressions, He was crushed for Sarah's iniquities, the chastening for Sarah's well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging Sarah is healed" WOW putting my name into that verse brought me to my knees in thanksgiving. He did all that for me a horrible sinner. The song "Amazing love how can it be that You my King should die for me" rings so true. There are not enough words to express my thankfulness for my salvation when I truly understood what He has done for me. The accident has helped me appreciate my salvation like never before. Prior to Troy's death I did not know pain or sorrow. Now I do, but even what I'm feeling is NOTHING compared to what Christ did on the cross because of His love for me. Not only did He save me from hell, but He has been spending the last couple thousand years preparing a place for me. Troy gets to enjoy it a little sooner than me, but he did always want to be first ;) Now he will be able to show me around when its my turn someday. How blessed am I!!! On top of all of that the verse also shows me He truly understands my everyday sorrows and griefs. I'm so encouraged to know that when I'm crying to Him He understands. I'm so blessed that God has drawn me to Him and continues to teach me new lessons every day!!!! All right I'm done hope this encourages you guys as much as it has me just re-reading it. Not such a bad Friday night after all:)