Its funny how much a difference a week can make. This time last week, I was sitting on the couch crying inconsolably. Today I'm sitting on the couch just thinking how good my God is. It's been a great day for me. Went running, cleaned the house, lunch with my sister, car washed, bought a book for Kaytie and I to do a Bible study together, and got a pedicure. Not a bad Saturday:) The running thing has been a goal for me since the accident. Let me explain a bit. Troy and I started running together before the accident. It was a great way for us to spend time together. I have some really great memories of running the track at the middle school or running in Florida during spring break. Well I really should say I would run and Troy would jog beside me talking the whole time oooh it was frustrating;) So after the accident, I knew I needed to do something besides sit on the couch and eat cookie dough;) Running it was. Somehow felt like I was keeping him with me. Who knows maybe he is running with me up in heaven. Except he is no where near out of breath and MUCH better scenery. I decided my goal was to run a half marathon this year. I want to do it in September the one year anniversary in memory of him. Hoping accomplishing that will somehow make that month not so hard. Guess we will see. The good thing today was I was able to run four miles and that is a HUGE accomplishment for me. When Troy and I started, I could barely do a mile. I'm slowly on my way to my goal!
Anyways back to sitting on the couch thinking how good my God is. I read last night this verse Psalm 57:2 "I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me." How encouraging is that verse. Added that to my truth box: "remembering that God will fulfill His purposes in my life." He has never left my side and has already worked out so many things. I sometimes get frustrated with the thoughts that "I'm so tired of grieving." People say "its only been five months", but have you ever stopped and thought about that statement. Five months of being heartbroken is a LONG time. When I think about it in my head without truth, I feel completely overwhelmed that I will never be happy again. Don't get me wrong I have peace and joy that I would not trade for anything, but I'm still sad every day. I read that verse last night and knew that God would keep His promises. He will continue to heal my broken heart. I know one day I won't feel sad every day. Looking forward to that day in some ways, but also scared because I already feel like I'm forgetting what our life was like together. I had that exact moment last night. I was sitting in the spare bedroom with all his stuff and realizing that I'm now used to him not being here. I really don't like it, but it's true. I'm living my life with out him. It's getting harder for me to remember what it was like to live with him. It was such a short period of my life. Thirteen months was not long enough. Some days it feels like a dream. I know I will NEVER forget him or stop loving him, but slowly as my heart heals things are changing. It's a scary new territory I'm entering into these days. Then I read that verse and know peace. My WHOLE life is in God's hands and He will fulfill His purpose. Thank you, Lord!