Today is hard I'm sitting on the couch lonely and feeling low because this is not at all how I pictured my future eighteen months ago. My friend, Laura, told me about a month after the accident that I needed a truth box. What is this truth box thing you are very curiously wondering I know;) Let me explain, its just truths from scripture that I'm learning stored up in my head so when I'm having days like today I go back to what I know is true. Laura explained this idea to me and its a very good thing because I open up my box quite frequently these days. I highly recommend using the same concept when things are not going as you expected or when you are feeling low (prime example right here). So decided to open my truth box for you all to see. Now don't be alarmed, but basically going to just type what goes on in my head so beware could be a scary thing....Troy, why did you leave? I need you here to hold me and comfort me. Feeling so alone. Hate sitting on this couch knowing you won't come walking through the door today or EVER again. I'm all alone.....(Since you guys can only read whats going on in my head I'm letting you know if you could see me I'm crying at this point ok back to in my head) Okay, Sarah, get it together what do you know is true. "I will never leave you nor forsake you" Lord, I need you right now so badly. "My ways are perfect" "My thoughts are not yours neither are my ways your ways, My ways are higher than your way, My thoughts than your thoughts" Lord, I'm going to trust You even though I really don't understand. "My grace is sufficient made perfect in weakness" As I'm sitting on this couch crying feeling very weak Jesus please give me more grace. "Steadfast love of God" Remember from all your reading how many times through out the Psalms David mentions God's steadfast love. He loves me so much. Father, I need to feel Your love and comfort right now please. "His mercies are new every morning...the Lord is my hope" Lord, I know you will restore my hope. Please turn my eyes to You. Sarah, focus on hope what is my hope right now: I will see Troy again one day soon. "Life is only a vapor" Jesus I feel like this is a very long vapor and I know one day we will look back and laugh, but not right now. "Restore the joy of my salvation" Father, I know you are the only One who can restore my joy. Please restore it now and I need some peace as well. "Be still and know that I am God" "Wait patiently upon the Lord." Thank you for Your words to me. I'm here Lord waiting and listening quietly for You. I rest in peace knowing You are returning for me and Troy's waiting for me too. "You went to prepare a place for me that where You are I may be also" Thank you Jesus so much.....So thats kinda how my truth box works in my head. My truths are all scriptures some paraphrasing goes on in my head, but this is how I get my focus back on truth so I don't stay down in self-pity and sorrow. Some days it takes me a little longer to get open my box, but once it is opened and I start focusing on it life doesn't seem so unmanageable. What a wonderful Father we have because He left us with hope:) Hope no one got too scared going into my mind and I hope that this encourages someone in their walk as it has for mine. One of the top pieces of advice in my Christian life so far was this "Truth Box" concept!!!! Thanks Laura:)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Rainy day and my Truth Box.
Once again I'm faced with another anniversary although this is more of a "would have been" anniversary. Eighteen months ago Troy and I were married. I remember bits and pieces of that day it all happened so quickly. However; I do distinctly remember a car ride to the reception. It involved me crying in the backseat of the car because it was the ONLY day in I swear the month of August or July that we had rain and not just a little afternoon shower NOOOO a torrential downpour. So here Troy and I sat in the back of the car with my parents in the front and my poor brand new husband was having to deal with me having a "mini" ok well probably more like "major" melt-down. Troy was trying to calm me down and I was slightly (because a bride does not yell) raising my voice with tears trying to get across the point of "did he have any idea how much we had spent on this outdoor reception." My mom was trying to help my poor husband out, but I was a little bit out of control. This scenario made me think of why people say "Rain on your wedding day is good luck" and where it even originated from. I came to the conclusion that is was some brand new husband or mother of a lovely,gracious bride (little sarcasm here) trying to console her out of her hysterics. And why do I know this well because I was that bride;) However; due to recent events I would have to call that statement completely FALSE just sayin. Oh what I wouldn't give to go back to sitting in the back of the car with Troy. I smile when I think back to that moment because I was so sure that the rain on my wedding day was one of the worst possible things. If only I had known what was coming, something that would be so beyond my understanding of bad. I miss him so much today. So back to the rain, it rained on our wedding day, rained on our one year anniversary trip to Atlanta, and raining today so apparently rain is closely associated with Troy and I's wedding day;)